I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
