No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
