Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
