is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Acid is not a monday night drug
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
