apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
