I could have mohawked her pubes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
