It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
