nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
