You smell like stripper and shame
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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