Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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