the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They have beer where we have blood.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
