your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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