I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
