Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
