I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
