He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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