plz talk dirty to me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
