She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am one with the molecules
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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