4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
