I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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