i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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