he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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