So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Farmville is her only friend.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
