I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
