soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
