you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
