i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
