I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
