i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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