i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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