I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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