A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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