Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
