I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Someone came in the potted fern
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
