handjob tips. give me some.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
