TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
