Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
