Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
