you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
