my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sarcasm needs its own font
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
