I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
