it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
