Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
