just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
