even my farts smell like vagina
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
