When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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