you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
