i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
