Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
