I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
