don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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