i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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